Nameless – an original by Margo Cummins

A good friend of mine named Margo Cummins is an excellent poet and writer. Therefore, she chose to describe a personal experience she had with mental health and its effects on herself and those around her in this poem called Nameless. Enjoy.

Nameless

By Margo Cummins

The two were alone, purposely secluded,

Them against the world, was what they had concluded

Neither party could have ever precluded

Me diving headfirst into their lives, desperate to be included.

“Hey,” I said, stupidly optimistic

“I get mental health, it’s not all simplistic

I generally cope with being artistic,

I get what it’s like to just be a statistic.”

I could almost hear both of their laughs

“Oh, okay, you think you’ve got it bad?

In my head I’ve got an entire army, a staff

To control my thoughts and my body, happy or sad.

They’ve all got names, I’ll write you a list

And all my personalities—I’ll give you the gist.

But there’s probably something you’re bound to miss.”

And that was a challenge I couldn’t resist.

I don’t understand why they let me in,

But ultimately, we realized we were akin.

My journey with them could finally begin

And I began to meet all the people within.

I’ll admit I was shocked, didn’t know what to do

I got to know 20, in between two

At first I couldn’t believe it was true

But I knew it was one me against them: I felt pretty screwed.

We bonded close, faster than normal

We talked about life, questions and morals

However, where there’s people, there’s quarrels

And we acknowledge our flaws, they’re what make us mortal

It should be noted, that not everyone is good

And sometimes my friends don’t appear as they should

The people inside, who my friends would fight if they could,

Will claim they can stand where my friends once stood.

It’s not just a mood, it’s a whole other person

At the expense of my friend’s health, their exertion

It’s a physical, mental, emotional conversion

That I introduce myself to each time, just to be certain

Most of them like me, which really, is great

Some are intrigued by some of my traits

And some have the interest to solely, well, mate

Then some have a whole different gait

One example, to make it clear

That mental illness is not always something to fear

In a Walmart at night, two boys appear

And at first glance to strangers, nothing seems queer

But I know that the four year old clutching my cart

And the grown man in the frozen aisle are lightyears apart

One wanders off when something shiny catches his heart

While one winks at me, and I have to remind him not to start

But as quick as they came, they’re gone in a flash

And my friends return, unaware of what passed

Casually to them, the events I rehash

As back into their own reality they crash

So a month passes, I’m used to routine

I’m familiar with Ron and Frank, Zach and Dean

But one of my friends, just turned nineteen

Found a beast inside, unexpected, unforeseen.

I first met him, handcuffed to a chair

Because my friend and I were admittedly scared

Nameless for safety, he admitted with a glare

That he would gladly do what most humans won’t dare

He made eye contact with me, then out went his luck

As my real friend fought back, and finally woke up

Exhausted and miserable, his head in a slump

Begging for water, we hand him a cup

Now aware of the monster that lives on the brink

We’re able to work with our friend, so he doesn’t sink

But life doesn’t always go how you think

And sometimes best friends fall out of sync

A parking lot of a closed restaurant

Two different ideas of what the other wants

But one thinks he knows more and tries to flaunt

And what happens next, my mind it will always haunt

I’m standing behind him, for my own safety

But, I’ve been told, I acted so bravely

Even though now my memory gets kind of hazy

And my hand is actually still sort of achy

My friend in front of me, his yells turn to stutters

In whispered pain, his friend’s name he utters

With no regard for the world or any others,

I have to grab his arms, and my friend takes cover

The physical changes rush through his blood

The rage in his body, fast as a flood

The adrenaline in me begins to thud

As he yanks his arms towards him, and I’m forced to tug

My friend disappears, Nameless lets out a cackle

And I am the sole, the only, form of shackles

Yanking and pulling, he needs to run like a jackal

If I let him go, my friend’s getting fatally tackled

I breathe through my teeth as he keeps trying to fight

And I hold him back with all of my might

He leans to the right, just a little, so slight

We fall to the ground, but he’s not done, not quite

“Friend, come back, I need you here now!”

I scream into the night; I’m doing all I know how.

Nameless screams “No!” and tries to give me a scowl

He moves to crawl, but I had taken a vow

With the rest of my strength, I yank him off of the ground

And I hold him into me, until he stops making sound

Finally my friend comes back around

The light in his eyes, once again found

With the help of the group that left when it got bad

We loaded him into the car, relieved and glad

But I wasn’t done, I had to turn and nag

The person who had started this, made him mad.

After hours, and cops, and way too much yelling

About issues that had too long been dwelling

The argument he threw at me, less than compelling

His manipulative attitude was nothing but telling

We get him a ride, so that he gets home safe

And we all pile back into the car, all ready to break

My friends hold me close, I’m entirely drained

I look at my friend, no longer afraid

He smiles at me with tired eyes

And my confidence again begins to rise

That I don’t know it all, but I can learn to be wise

It might take a while, well, a whole lot of time

Mental illness can’t be defined

And requires a lot of reading between the lines

I’m learning to see and love the signs

That my friends, no matter what, will be just fine.