The Species Called “Boys”
The Species Called “Boys”
10/9/18
Boys. What a strange and exciting and interesting species to say the least. Wow, still a mystery to many of us women today. As the Dr.John Gray states in his famous bestseller, “Boys are from Mars and Women are from Venus!”, it is hard and rare to find good guys who truly align with your morals and viewpoints. All it seems like nowadays is that either they just want to hook up or smoke or party or get drunk or have a good time. I want a boy who is sweet and a gentleman (the kind who still believes in holding the door open for me and is willing to pay for the bill but also let me or us split it sometimes), kind to me and others, respectful, handsome and attractive inside and out, hopeful and positive, adventurous, spontaneous, down to try new things and explore with me, loves music and concerts, engages in long and deep conversation, makes me laugh and smile genuinely and without being self-conscious about it and can be a complete goofball, thinks I am beautiful inside and out and with or without makeup, is artsy and emotional and in touch with his feelings but not too sensitive, can take a joke and be sarcastic with me, loves pizza and watching basketball games, and is down for a fun time whether at a party or dressed up at a formal event or just hanging out on the couch with me watching Netflix or walking in Zilker Park and playing with dogs (especially Corgis or Golden Retrievers haha), is liberal in viewpoint and pushes for equality and acceptance and love above all, and can or cannot be Christian (it’s just a plus)! As you can tell, that is a HUGE and LONG LIST of standards. My ideal dream boy is a musician who plays drums or is the lead singer. He has dark brown hair, is taller than me, loves Jesus and actively pursues Him but doesn’t have to be in a Christian band, has freckles or flushed cheeks, some tattoos that are not trashy, a nose piercing would be nice, and dark green or light blue eyes. Yet again, kind of unrealistic. It is hard these days for women in general to find the good guys out there in the world who are looking to know you for you and hang out rather than just want to purely have sex or make out with you.
Today the world we live in, especially for young people, is getting harder to meet people that are not sketchy but real and authentic. It has been moving towards dating apps in the recent years like Bumble and Tinder. So naturally, I wanted to meet some good guys and expand my friend or people group. Because moving to San Francisco which is 1,781 miles away (via I-10 haha) is a big change and everyone told me that the best thing to do when uprooting your life entirely, moving to a big city knowing no one, and getting involved is making connections.
At the dorm I was living in, it was the only all girls hall. My friends and I always joked we went to an all girls’ Catholic school because our dorm was situated away from all of the other dorms but located in the best spot next to the library, cathedral, and gym! My roommate and I applied for co-ed, but that is what we got dealt. We were upset, but over time I met some of my best girl friends from USF on the 2nd floor which I lived on so it all worked out for the best in the end. Their names are Sally, Brylie, Bella, Julia, and Ella (my roomie). P.S.A.: I am going to go on a long spiel about how much I freaking love my BADASS GIRL BOSS friends from the University of San Francisco right now. So, skip over if you don’t really care, even though you should appreciate others for their good and beautiful characteristic traits and personalities and for simply being them lol. Sally is so hilarious, genuine, and very, very crunchy granola to say the least from Hood River, Oregon. We love a good and outdoorsy Oregon girl. Brylie is from San Clemente in SoCal near San Diego. She is savage and naturally beautiful and sarcastic and witty and smart. She and I have a love-hate relationship where we bitch on each other all the time but don’t actually mean it (you feel/know??) haha. Bella is from Santa Barbara- a surprisingly country town that is somehow in California- a very liberal state where weed is legal haha. She is beyond beautiful, bright, an advocate for social justice, talented in so much including singing and makeup and school, and funny. Julia is from Wisconsin. She is the most like me probably in personality and background. We are both from conservative states. We both are open-minded and liberal compared to those in our home states (besides Austin of course). She is a Christian too. She is kind, values family and friends highly like me, and is beyond intelligent and brilliant. Not to brag or anything, but I am amazed and proud of her. She made a freaking 1,500 out of 1,600 on the SAT!!!! That’s insane and almost a perfect score. Go you, Julia! She takes academics very seriously like me too. She loves to explore the outdoors, try new foods, and go on adventures. She acts like a grandma in a lot of ways and loves tea, cardigans, and blankets. We are each other’s fiercest competition when it comes to a good ole game of Bananagrams (sorry Brylie and Sally, haha it’s true!). Ella is my roomie with dyed from dirty blonde to bright red and pink hair. She has a good friend and ideal roommate to have resume. She is constantly changing outfits throughout the day, going through probably 3 at least. She is a dog walker in SF and gets paid well. She is a beyond talented singer-songwriter. The most talented musician I know. She wants to do that full time as her dream job. She also is pursuing a degree in Theology and Religious Studies and would like to be a pastor if the singing career does not end up working out, but I am sure it will because she is so wickedly raw and talented at it. She has one of those indie, raspy voices and writes her own songs and posts them on Youtube! Go check out her channel full of music videos and self-written songs! Look up Ella Quinn to find it. She loves God like me and is very chill but always down for a good time (awesome dance moves are an added plus when she is your friend)! She also took a gap year like me, but she traveled abroad all by herself. She is very outgoing, accepting, hopeful and optimistic, genuine and down-to-earth, and adventurous. The best roommate I could have ever asked for! Thanks God haha. These are just some of my friends at USF. We do so much together- go eat out, go on a spontaneous and crazy adventure in the city on Friday nights, watch the “Bachelor in Paradise” together and freak out over it (#teamgroceryjoeandkendall always- insert yellow heart emoji now and wow, actual couple goals in terms of those in the media) while simultaneously eating double-stuffed oreos and Ben and Jerry’s ice cream pints each of our very own. I love them. It’s crazy how I knew them for so little of time but instantly knew we were all going to be friends for life. They have helped me through a lot, educated and challenged me, and loved me for me. I am beyond thankful for God placing them in my life.
Anyways, back on track. That needed to be said though because gratitude is good for the soul and good for others to know the impact they had on people like me. So, my friends and I were wanting to meet guys, but our location was not very prime for it. So the best and easy answer we could do was all download Tinder. So, that is just what we did. Scary. I never ever thought I would do that in a million years, but they convinced me so I did. It is kind of like a game because we all mostly swipe left and deny guys due to all of our high standards. When we swipe right, that guy should really feel great because it is such a rarity. It seems scary at first from what you can sometimes hear about it like catfishing or boys are only down for the hook up. That’s why we carefully designed our bios and profiles with the expertise and good judgement and advice of each other. So after well crafting it, we began to swipe. Each guy we swiped to the right, all of us each different in guy taste and type from that of each other of my girl friends. We also discovered the process that happens and how to narrow and trust who we swipe right for. Boys with only one or two pictures or have boomerangs as their first picture are a no. Boys smoking a blunt as their first picture are a no. Bios with dick size or too much of a coming on strong and being too confident in their bio is a no. Don’t get me wrong. We like a confident guy but not a cocky one. Boys who are only looking for a hook up are a no. Dating or getting to know each other and hang out and see where it goes is a yes. Boys who have a funny, unique, or clever bio is a yes. Boys who look like douchebags and fuck boys are a definite no. Frats boys depend. Then the process of talking goes. Either the boy or the girl can send the first message. I usually let the boy make the first move mostly. I have made the first “Hey!” or “Hello” or “How are you?” before too though. Don’t get me wrong. Girls can make it too because equality, bruh. So then the talking process happens. They message you with a good conversation starter on Tinder. Then if it is going well for the both of us, it moves to them asking for your Snapchat, which I don’t have because I don’t want more social media in my life because it can take up a lot of time and productivity from your life and sometimes drain me at least. Then they ask for your Instagram and start direct messaging you OR for your phone number which is mostly the case. Then, if the conversation continues to go well. One of you, mostly the boy for me, suggests to hang out and get to know you or take you on a date which is nice and sounds cool. I have extremely high standards for a boy so it takes me a while to really choose to talk to one and actually be willing to go on a date and see where things go. So, that is where I am now.
Being back in Texas unexpectedly from SF until January is really hard though. When I return to USF and see my friends again and take fun classes like West African Dance, Painting for Non-Majors, and Public Speaking, etc. that will be great. It’s the waiting process and figuring out what to do in the meantime that is hard. So, I opened Tinder for the third time since I got it the other day- first time since being back home, and I began the swiping haha. See, everyone tells you to date around in college because that is the good time to do so, especially at the beginning when you are so young. Then, you can get more serious when you find the right boy at the right time whose morals and personality align with yours. Therefore, that is what I am currently doing- stepping my foot in the dating pool. It is fun so far, meeting and talking to different boys and just simply getting to know them! I am also going to ACL on Sunday with my best guy friend named Nathan who I know from my summer camp Lutherhill with his other two guy friends from UT. So far I have been choosing to swipe right and match with guys either from UT or Baylor or in Austin who meet my criteria because they are closer to my age and understand what I am going through more likely in today’s day and age.
I am going on my first real Tinder hang out on Saturday before a Lutherhill reunion at Nathan’s apartment to celebrate our other camp friend named Colin and his 21st birthday. A whole bunch of us are getting together. It should be fun. The guy and I are going to meet up at a coffee shop off the UT campus which is casual, easy, hip, and fun. He is a junior at UT who seems really nice and chill. Then, I will be going on a date on Monday from UT who is a senior with a journalism major to an Italian place for dinner near UT and taking me to getting ice cream after. That is an official date. I like both of the places the guys suggested. Plus, it is wise to do so in public when meeting a person for the first time, especially for girls who have to be cautious and careful about sexual assault or harassment or if the guy is sketchy haha. So, I am excited to be trying out this whole dating scene. It is going well so far! We will have to see how the two dates go this Saturday and Monday! I will keep you updated. I am also okay if they don’t go well or they do because if they don’t that means the guy is not for me. I have to be patient and let God bring along the right guy when timing aligns and He has it planned for me. Moral of the story is: be careful and smart but try out a dating app for the fun of it and get to know people! Who knows, you might end up meeting your future boyfriend, best friend, or even husband somehow which would for sure be a very funny story to tell others down the line. My friend Sally’s older sister met her boyfriend through Tinder. So that is living proof that it works sometimes! Be open to life and meeting others- whether the old-fashioned way, a blind date, a set up through knowing mutual friends who think you will be a good fit for each other, or the new way of dating apps. Best of luck if looking for a boy or girl or transgendered boy or girl! Remember to not put too much pressure and just have fun. Be yourself above it all!
XOXO,
Bethany Susan Rose Cohen
